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An Interesting Cover Letter

I have never parachuted out of an airplane or swam the English channel. Never participated in terrorist bombing campaigns or international money laundering. Never had sex (not even oral sex) with a White House intern. Never been involved in any shootouts with postal workers. I did not found an esoteric religious cult in which group members participated in bizarre rituals with poisonous snakes while chanting my name. I do not remember being abducted into flying saucers for medical experiments. I have never impersonated a census worker. Never been seriously injured during a volcano eruption. I am not responsible for global warming, nor have I ever publicly come out in support of it. I have never spanked a supermodel and never had a corndog. I have a PhD from Princeton.

Thank you,
Roy F Baumeister

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